Thursday, August 20th
So, the fucken van rolled into Parkdale just before 4 am to pick us up to go to chicago for the first US show of the Nitemare tour with Enforcer. 12 hours later and an hour long sit in the customs office we arrived at the hotel to pick up enforcer and go to the gig. Victor Torres was the man, he hooked us up with good beer to drink in the van before the show.
Chris Piss and his piss collection
Friday, August 21st
I dont even remember what happened here, I think we got up and drove in the direction we had just come the previous day to play Detroit. We played the legendary Blondies where alot of our favourite bands like Megadeth and Seduce have played, it was cool. We ate chicken and smoked darts and drank the new "water" beer backatage before the show before we stepped out to destroy the 400+ bangers that are still left in detroit. Peace!
Saturday, August 22nd
Aww shit! Time to drive to some record store in Toledo to play in the afternoon on a saturday! We tried to buy beer at the gas station across the street before the show, but they wouldn't accept any sort of id or passport at first and sent us packing. Then they changed their mind and said they'd accept canadian ID, so I made all the guys wait outside around the corner while I went back in to buy beer and smokes for everyone. We snuck beer into the record store and ate pizza while we played.
Sunday, August 23rd
This is where things started to pick up. First off, we (the Cauldron boys) wake up in the van cause we gave the Enforcer boys the hotel room cause they're still getting used to life on the road in America... anyway, we wake up in the van and there are thugs lined up around the van and around the entire block, for what I don't know but it was an endless line up that went on for hours. We felt trapped in the van, but finally after about 3 hours we decided to get out and get heckled and make a dash for the hotel room. Then we get back in the van and drive all the way back past where we came from the previous day, I think the booking agent is fucking retarded. Thing got interesting when we hit Milwaukee. I had to punch Ian and Chris for giving me a titty twister and I actually hurt Ian so he threw a beer at me and then I grabbed a glass and smashed it on the wall. The venue didn't like that, but they kept feeding our underage drummer shots all night anyway until it turned into puke fest in the van a few hours later. We had to pull over on the highway so Chris could puke his brains out, then Ian and Tobias got into a verbal altercation which was sorted out pretty quick. Then a cop pulls up behind us on the side of the highway and we're thinking oh fuck, but it turns out he was just making sure we were ok and ended up giving us directions to get on our way to the middle of nowhere.
Monday, August 24th
After pulling an all nighter out of Milwaukee we kept driving. Then we drove until the sun went down that day too so we could go see Mount Rushmore in the dark. That was cool. We then decided to go for a drive around to find the cheapest hotel possible. We actually found this place where the girl at the counter was into Slayer and when I told her that two rooms were too much and that we'd sleep 3 in the van she decided to give us the second room for free. So we gave her an album and jumped in the hot tub to rock some warm beers and pretend we "made it".
Tuesday, August 25th
We decided we'd get up bright and early today and go for a nice long drive to Burley, Idaho. Idaho is known for potatoes, but I don't care; we have potatoes in canada too. I judge places by how big we are there. The drive went by so fast that we decided to stay in the van once we got to the venue to enjoy some beers. The van's pretty fucken nice actually, I can't wait to go for another drive tomorrow.
Friday, August 28th
Tacoma was pretty awesome. They gave us a pizza that looked and smelled like a battlefield, or a slaughter house maybe. That should keep us from shitting for another week and keep the van smelling like farts. Some wigger-metal band rocked the stage before us, we video taped some of it for a laugh. I really couldn't believe what I was seeing, or that we were playing with this band, or that they even existed. I hate that shit so much that I actually enjoyed it. Chirs and Jonas had to sit in the van all night and could only come in when it was time to play. We brought the kids some pizza and beers though. The US like their rules!
Saturday, August 29th
It was grungeamania in Seattle. Actually, no it wasn't at all, we didn't even see one grunger except for the exhibit at the Experience Music Project Museum. Anyway, the venue here was real sketchy looking at first, but at least very true to grungeamania. No one answered the door, so we just walked in, but we thought we were at the wrong place and that we might get shot. We shouted hello and some guy came out in his underwear and said we could load our gear into the kitchen. This turned out to be a pretty rad gig, good turn out, Eddie Vedder dangling from the ceiling, etc...
Sunday, August 30th
Portland ruled, and especially for a Sunday. We started off with a trip to the hospital ER because Jonas became very sick. We waited around for a couple hours while they ran some tests on him and prescribed him some medication, he's feeling better now. We rocked a bunch of beer and meal tickets at the bar, and no one bothered to ID Chris or Jonas which was cool. We did some interviews before the show and met some really nice people which took us out after the show to another bar where me and Joseph drank piss and ran into Joey Demaio. I guess I mistook my beer for a glass of pee someone left sitting around. I just though it was warm watered down beer and gave it to Joseph, but he spit it out and confirmed that it was actual piss. We then proceeded to crank some Slayer and Destruction in the van on the way back to some chicks place who was putting us up. I tried to wrestle her dog, but my balance was pretty off and the dog kept pinning me. I passed out and apparently the dog made out with me, everyone has pictures. My mouth is rite gross.
Monday, August 31st
Redding was funny. The "sound" guy never heard of Toronto, we got payed with a keg of Pabst, unlimited oven pizzas and a basket of condoms. Weird eh?
Tuesday, September 1st
Good thing we forgot about this tour blog for so long. After Redding we decided to take the scenic route to Medford, Oregon through the Redwood forest of California. We drove through prime Sasquatch territory but we were running too late to stop at the gift shops to buy postcards and casts of bigfoot prints. We did stop at some beach though and envisioned ourselves all swimming, but it turned out the water was sub zero. So only the bravest dudes, Chris and driver Jeremy decided to go in. It was really late by the time we got to Medford and everyone was packing up when we got there. Luckily they still let us play. Pretty decent turnout with lots of young bangers. It was in the back of a record store so I picked up a couple records, 1st Seduce full length, and Diamond Rexx "Rated Rexx" which is going to be a treat. Later on we all went over to Jymbo's house and drank Coors like Stallone in Cobra.
Wednesday, September 2nd
Today we drove down to San Francisco, 6 hour drive, which kind of sucked because we like the 15 hour ones. We got there around 5 and got to see Alcatraz from the bay bridge or whatever bridge that was. As we pulled up to the club we saw larger than life Holy Grail singer Luna strolling down the sidewalk. We all thought they were really good. Before that everyone went to eat Vietnamese food down the street and then drink more Coors in the van. Our show was alright but there always has to be that one wigger dude in the wifebeater who somehow ended up at the show, front row, and thinks it's "fuckin' sick" while everyone else steers clear of him. Afterwards we drank with Holy Grail and then got a motel off the highway. A few of us slept in the van and had to peel ourselves out in the morning.
Thursday, September 3rd
This was a good one... Santee California... We heard the promoter talking shit about us after the show. He would mention "Cauldron sucks" while walking past us, or "Enforcer sucks" when he rolled up in his car when we were loading gear. Apparently his girlfriend was hitting on a couple guys in our camp and all of a sudden we sucked. Anyway, we were supposed to stay at this guys place, so as we pulled out in the van to follow him back to his place we decided that we'd go straight when he turned left. We did, but the fucker found us and came burning out in front of us aggressively as if to say "are you guys retarded". So he signalled left and we pulled up beside him, and when the light turned green we waited for him to turn and then took off in the opposite direction again and went and got a hotel. That's our story for the night!
Friday, September 4th
Pretty long drive to LA with all traffic, how we like it. We stopped in Hollywood before the show to try and get our still fucked rental amp working. Guitar Center has to be the most useless shitty store in all the the USA. "Sorry we don't rent, fix, or know anything about the gear we sell, we just sit at home jerking off and watch John Petrucci instructional videos." So we headed to Inglewood, or Compton, where the Black Castle was and knew it was going to be good when we saw longhairs everywhere and vans with skulls on them with the side doors open playing Megadeth. It was where the bad kids would hang out in Thrashin'. It had to be the greasiest sweatiest show we've ever played. It was quite good. Our set went over well, and at the end of Enforcer's set, Joseph let go of his guitar in the crowd to let them tear at it and make feedback. Apparently this goes over well in Sweden, but two minutes later the guitar was nowhere to be found. I ran out into the crowd and couldn't find it, so I went backstage and told Joseph he had a bit of a problem. A few minutes later I went back in the crowd and saw a huge Mexican banger walking out the door with the guitar, so I said "Hey! You can't fuckin' take that!" and wrenched it back and forth for a few seconds until he let go. Joseph owes me a 99 cent bag of Lays for that. Later on we got a motel and then a few of us met up with one of the dudes from the show who owned the van from earlier. We heard there was a party at the beach, so we all stupidly piled into this guy's van (who was hammered) and flew down the street to the beach listening to Priest on full volume and drinking PBR's. We stayed at the beach for a couple hours and Joseph started hitting on this dudes girlfriend, or the other way around. The guy threatened to kill Joseph. It made for a pretty awkward situation when we needed to get back to the motel. Chris and I told him he was too drunk and would call a cab instead of riding with him, which proved almost impossible. We also tried telling him somebody else who wasn't drunk could drive but he said "Fuck you! Nobody can tame the beast but me!" So somehow we all got in the van and prayed the next 10 minutes wouldn't be our last. It wasn't looking good when he put on "Search Lights" by OZ at full blast. I'm pretty sure it's impossible to drive the limit to that song. So sure enough, the van was swerving everywhere coming within centimeters of parked cars and driving up on medians. Well we're still alive but that's one of the stupider things I've done.
Saturday, September 5th
We went back to Hollywood to find an amp repair place, but it was hopeless so we just bought all new tubes and hoped it would work. We tried going to the Rainbow Bar and Grill but too bad, it didn't open til 5. So we drove down to San Marcos and met up with our buddy Jimmy. He was a true chi and had prepared all kinds of BBQ and beer for us. We headed on down to the show and had heard different stories about the place, such as if you don't have a California driver's license, you can't drink. So sure enough, everyone was getting denied because passports aren't valid at shitty bars. A few of us just didn't bother trying to get wristbands and got drinks from the bar with no problem. Steve-O of Jackass fame came out because he's friends with Jimmy which was cool. He was talking to Enforcer and said "Sweden? I went to jail in Sweden!" Everyone went back to Jimmy's after the show and drank in the hot tub. He made sure not to send us away in the morning without free DC shoes and skateboards. What a dick!
Sunday, September 6th
Well, we had to get on the road early for the drive to Flagstaff, AZ. We drove alongside Route 66 most of the way. Jonas bought a Route 66 t-shirt at a gas station but I think he lost it. We pulled up to the club around 8. The other band was there, but nobody was charging at the door and the promoter was nowhere to be found. We figured we'd just sit around and see if it was worth loading in. The opening band was one of those "I hate you" bands that yells "I... HATE.... YOUUUUUUUUUU" over and over. The singer went into some rant about "How many times you been walking down the street and you want to fuck someone up real bad, but you don't know... you don't know, they could be carrying a SAWED-OFF MOTHERFUCKER, A FUCKIN' SAWED-OFF!!!" I wish I had caught it on tape. Somehow we made $13 at that show and didn't even get out of the van which was pretty cool. It was like when Enforcer would go into Wendy's and actually make money by placing confusing orders and then cancelling things and getting more money back than they paid. I think Toby made $7 and a salad at one Wendy's.
Monday, September 7th
We didn't know what to expect in Albuquerque after last night so we were pretty surprised when we got paid our guarantee before we loaded in. This one was an all ages show which is always a good sign. Pretty good turn out, plus pizza, chicken wings and Olympia beer. "Not the non-alcoholic kind." Jason gagged and spewed out foam from his mouth and nose after his first sip. I didn't think it could be that bad but after he left the room I took a mouthful and by some reflex I uncontrollably coughed it up all over the couch. The show was pretty fun and afterwards we went over to this guy Seth's apartment who had room for us. We almost didn't get inside his place because there was a crazy praying mantis on the sidewalk by the van charging at everyone. After a few minutes inside we didn't feel like sleeping in cat turds so we drank there for a while and then took off.
Tuesday, September 8th
We made the trek to Lubbock, TX in however many hours, still not enough though. Chris was cornered by a schoolbus full of "Bushland High" volleyball players at a rest stop and didn't want to leave. Weird gig tonight at some complex with a diner and laundromat so a bunch of us got our laundry done while we played. One guy drove 5 hours from Austin, TX just to see us. After we played some weird dude told me his girlfriend wanted to bang Chris, and to tell Chris to go talk to her. The same guy went up to Olof and told him he just got out of jail, 10 years for murder. Needless to say we got the fuck out of town after we got our laundry.
Wednesday, September 9th
We knew the Oklahoma City show would rule when the guy was putting up the letters on the marquee hours before the show started. Tonight it's Cauldron and ENORCER! I think this was the most humid sweatbox of a town we've ever been in. We pretty much just hung out in the parking lot watching a lightning storm and drinking warm Foster's, possibly the worst beer I've ever had, brewed at "Oil Can Brewery, TX". The show itself wasn't really that bad and was right next to a record store that we found a few things at. Toby bought a Nancy Sinatra record and Jason bought a backup copy of Lizzy Borden - Love You to Pieces for a few bucks. In Enforcer's set Joseph was pretty hammered and smashed the neck of his guitar into the mic stand.
Thursday, September 10th
We drove over to Kansas City, MO today, making sure to stop at music stores to find a replacement guitar for Joseph since there was a massive crack down the neck from last night. The closest we came was a white SG from 90-something, but it didn't play that well. Excitement for the day was the black dude running out of the cd store with a handful of cd's being chased by 5 cop cars. There are also these beetles in the trees in Kansas City. We have them in Toronto, but these ones are fucking loud. We asked some people what they were but nobody could hear them except us. We ate more pizza down the street from the show and watched a show about sharks. As Toby says "It's so fucking great to eat pizza, I haven't had any in at least 12 hours."
Pretty good show, Jason's buddy Andrew came out and they reminisced about old times. There were two underage chicks that couldn't get in, but we stayed at one of their houses afterwards. We decided to walk to the corner store to get more beer and a police helicopter came out of the trees with it's spotlight on us following us down the street. So of course we all waved. I thought it would have been better if everyone scattered. Apparently a madman was on the loose for stabbing a cop. The corner store was closed anyway. Jeremy and I chose to sleep in the room with cat turds on the floor because we like picking them off our sleeping bags the next day. The chick we were staying with had a car with a trunk full of stolen clothes, so Joseph got a nice feather boa that smelled like cat turds, and Toby got a girls winter jacket, which is "fucking great" as he says.
Friday, September 11th
I went to the same corner store this morning to buy some 99 cent chips. I had to wait for a while for the crazy black woman to move away from the cash register. She was yelling "Borrowed money is lost money" over and over, and "how many times you pull a hundred outta your pocket and it falls on the ground, borrowed money's lost money! Borrowed money's lost money!" The drive to Manhattan, Kansas was only 2 hours so we had time to drive in the wrong direction for a couple hours if we wanted. We went to Chubby's Diner in the morning. The waitress said "Y'all a BAND? Is this your first time here? To Chubby's!?" Anyway Chubby's sucked. The show tonight was one of the strangest we've ever played. Aside from the pretty good turnout, it seemed not one person there had ever heard of us or knew why they were there to see us. It was a gathering place for degenerates and scumbags. It was pretty funny when the opening "I hate you" band was playing and gross chick who had been hitting on us fell into Chris' drum kit as he was setting it up. Later we stayed at Andrew's place and drank all the beer he bought for us. I got hammered and had to stay up until 6 to put our laundry in the dryer.
Saturday, September 12th
Today was a day off, good thing because I was throwing up all day. We were supposed to play Fort Worth, TX, but it would have been impossible to play and then make it to Panama City Beach the next night. We booked with Ryan for Distilled Entertainment.
Sunday, September 13th
We got to Panama City Beach just in time. It was at a seafood restaurant. There were families in there eating. I went to Waffle House with Chris, Jeremy, Toby and Joseph. Around this time Olof and Jonas went down to the beach to have a swim. They discovered after a few minutes that there were things moving in the water around them, and then fins started to appear everywhere. They panicked and got our of the water. Some guy told them they were crazy for going in because it was feeding time for the bull sharks. After Waffle House it seemed the families had packed up and left and it was starting to look more like a show. The opening band had a bass player who hit his strings with his dreadlocks, and a singer who would walk out into the audience when he wasn't singing and go up to people saying "How does it sound? You like it? Yeah it's fucking awesome." Anyway we were having a contest this whole trip to see who could hold out the longest without puking. Of our 9 guys there were only 2 left. Jason (a seasoned alcoholic) and Jonas (who doesn't drink). It seemed like it was at a standstill, until Jason started feeding Jonas free shots after the show.
Monday, September 14th
I woke up to the vision of Jonas completely naked, throwing up over the balcony of our hotel. I think he threw up in his sleeping bag too because something never smelled quite right whenever he was carrying it around for the rest of the tour. It was a pretty nice overcast day and we all hit muscle beach for an hour instead of showering. We drove to Winter Park outside of Orlando today. Another interesting bar in some kind of shopping complex. Our three rabid fans led by Andrew came out to the show, it was nice to finally meet them. The bar was owned by some military guy who was on leave from Iraq. He gave us all shots and Iraqi smokes. A pretty cool guy!
Tuesday, September 15th
We got to the Jacksonville show around 5, load in wasn't for another hour, so we got a motel room and showered. When we went back to the venue, there was some kind of problem. There was another show going on with all kinds of gay bands with song titles for band names. Apparently everyone was going to this show, and they would let us know at 8 if the show was going ahead. So we hung around in the parking lot scaring the other bands with our Abba cd. 8 came around and it was decided that this bar was gay and the show wasn't happening. Which sucked because some people actually drove 5 hours to see us, only to find the bar closed and everyone had fucked off. We did what anyone in Jacksonville would do and headed straight to the beach. We brought speakers and beer and listened to Scorpions Taken by Force. We were having a good time when suddenly some military jarheads showed up and bragged about catching sharks in the ocean with their bare hands. One guy tried to prove it and came back with a tiny fish. Still that's pretty impressive. Before they left the older one stole Chris' shorts. I saw him eyeing those all night. What an asshole!
Wednesday, September 16th
We drove all day to Raleigh, NC. We knew this show had to be good because we know a lot of people here, and we're friends with Twisted Tower Dire, Widow and Viper. We hung out at John E. Wooten IV's house before the show and then went to Bojangles for dinner. The show was a good time. We all partied at Johnny's after and tried out his guitars. We heard that Raleigh is swinger town and everyone was offered to join crazy gang bangs and orgies. Everyone just went to sleep instead except for Joseph who was jamming More Than a Feeling until 7.
Thursday, September 17th
Tonight sounded like a good show, Canonsburg, PA with Icarus Witch and Mantic Ritual. Mantic Ritual will be playing with us til the end of the tour. Icarus Witch sounded great, almost cd like to my ears. Great turnout at this show but not a lot of movement. There was no beer being served in the venue though. The highlight was when Olof yelled before On the Loose, "Are you all drinking tonight?" Everyone yelled "No!" and then Olof said "So are we! I mean... after the show!"
We all went for dinner at "Eat n' Park" after and then went to Jason from Icarus Witch's house to sleep. He had lots of cool stuff like Iron Maiden tour programmes and a pile of signed Sabbath records. Decay also bought a white BC Rich Ironbird off him which looked really good. In the morning a family of deer were hanging out in his front yard. It was quite peaceful. Jeremy somehow managed to back the van and trailer all the way out of his treacherous driveway with no problem.
Friday, September 18th
The drive to Brooklyn was a bit longer than we expected, considering how fucked up that city is with all the detours and toll booths. We called the promoter but it seemed Ryan had given us the wrong number. We discovered on the Brooklyn bridge that we had a flat tire on the trailer. So we stopped near the club and fired out all the gear onto the sidewalk. Nobody would come fix the trailer on location at night so we had to wait until morning to get someone to come down. The show was kind of stressful, everyone had gone to deal with the van and the promoter was freaking out that our drums weren't set up yet. I had to rock a shit really bad but had to find Chris or Jonas first. Everything was rushed and nobody was feeling it on stage. The kick pedal also broke through the skin halfway through the set. We did a couple interviews and talked with some people from the New York Earache office. I didn't stick around after we played but everyone else went over to Rachael's studio apartment in Brooklyn.
Saturday, September 19th
Now we're driving down to Baltimore. We had always heard things about Baltimore such as "Baltimore is the murder capital of the US" and "Baltimore sucks." It looked pretty nice when we strolled into town. Families eating corn dogs, people heading to the baseball game, wiggers chilling in the park. Of course, we wouldn't be playing in this area. Our GPS was getting screwed up by the tall buildings and we drove through some alley where people came out of the shadows like zombies. I guess I'm building this up because nothing happened. We got to the show around 4 but doors weren't until 9 so we had time to kill. We just ended up going for sushi, getting some Baltimore PBR's which were God awful, and then drinking in the van and listening to Boston. Pretty decent turnout at this one and good times were had. The legend of Baltimore came back to haunt us when Chris went outside to make a call and saw a guy across the street pointing a gun at someone's head and then repeatedly beating him with the butt end of it.
Sunday, September 20th
Interesting day today. Apparently we have two shows booked on one day, one in Downingtown, PA and one in Long Island, NY. We opted for the one with the guarantee in PA. It was an all ages show in some kind of garage. Junior bangers were everywhere and the promoter was a real dude and got us all kinds of food and 60 PBR's. We decided to go on early enough that we could possibly make it to Long Island in time for the other show and try to make some extra cash. Of course traffic was bad, and as were were approaching the area we heard from Mantic Ritual that their guitar player had stepped on a rusty nail outside the show and that it wasn't going to happen. We weren't going to make it in time anyway so I guess we were all kind of relieved that we could go sleep somewhere instead. We called up Rachael in Brooklyn and she was cool enough to let everyone stay at her place again. We all went out for drinks with Rachael and Dan the Man and kept feeding bills into the jukebox so we could listen to Postmortem by Slayer a bunch of times.
Monday, September 21st
We headed over to Portsmouth, NH today and got there around 3, in time for our radio interview with Mark from WSCA 106.1 FM. You can listen to it here http://bnm.podomatic.com/entry/2009-09-22T14_55_50-07_00. Mark was a real dude and took us to a record store, and then made sure to feed us good food that wasn't pizza. Everyone was stuffed and we passed around some of the records we got such as Trance - Power Infusion, 220 Volt - Power Games, and a live Roky Erickson album. Mark, Joseph and I went to buy beer, but since we didn't have ID's on us they wouldn't sell Mark the beer. We hate rules! So Mark went back later and bought us 60 beers that we promptly drank in the van while listening to the Pentagram cd that Tobias bought. There were a lot of people at this show, a bunch drove from 3 or 4 hours away, and we had a really good time. One kid was even related to our old drummer Al Chambers somehow. I heard the story but it's too confusing to tell. There were more rules at this show. NO beers were to be sold to band members. Tobias bought a beer because he was wearing his brown tourist jacket, and then gave me a sip when I was onstage. The bouncer stormed up and gave him shit for it right away. We promptly loaded out and hit the road for about an hour before getting a motel room. Joseph and Toby sang Bob Marley tunes really loud and pissed everyone off who wasn't sleeping.
Tuesday, September 22nd
Last show of the tour! It was a pretty long drive to Cleveland from wherever it was we stopped last. We stopped at Nasty Ronnie's for breakfast and Tobias tried to act out an ad for McDonald's that would be true to the people who eat there. It involved him waking up drunk in the van and puking up egg McMuffins in the parking lot as he walked out of the restaurant. As we rolled into Cleveland Mantic Ritual were already at the show so we loaded in and had a few sips with them before it was their turn to play. Not a really great turnout at this one. I guess it was a bit of a letdown for the last show because the sound was awful and the monitors didn't work. We still had a good time and tried to make the most of our last night with Enforcer. As soon as they were off the stage we had to throw all the gear in the trailer and get them to the train station so they could get to Chicago in time for their flight. I guess it didn't make much sense to play the last show in Cleveland and fly out of Chicago, but needless to say, tears were shed and everyone hugged goodbye. As soon as they left we all breathed deeply and said "Thank God those fucking dicks are going back to Sweden!" I'm joking of course, we hope to see those guys again really soon. "ENORCER" FOR LIFE!
No comments:
Post a Comment